Team Deathmatch

If you thought Sandy Shores couldn't get any shadier, try this deathmatch around Ace Liquor and the gas station. Trevor and Chef aren't cooking, thankfully.

Small town USA deathmatch in recession-hit Paleto Bay. Fight in the little used loading bays of the not so thriving shopping district. At least the funeral parlor will see some business. Works best with teams.

You've spent all night stowed away in a box car eating rust and chewing your hands just to keep warm, so when the carriage stops and Los Santos embraces you with a merciless gun battle it seems like you've come home. You'll need to adapt to your new surroundings and start to think vertically if you're going to stand a chance in this brutal new world. This is going to be the start of a beautiful relationship.

The tourists come to Vespucci for a freak show, so give them what they want with a deathmatch along the beachfront. By the time they realize it isn't pop-up performance art, it'll be too late.

There's no shore leave to compare with the shore leave you get in Los Santos. Up to four teams of deeply frustrated mariners make landfall and create their own entertainment while the queue for the brothel dies down. Deathmatch for up to 30 players around the docklands, with a nice balance of tactical finesse and pent-up savagery.

Do some inhumane experiments of your own at Humane Labs and Research's high tech facility in the San Chianksi Mountains. Deathmatch at the biolab you might have only seen from the inside. Works best with teams.

With up to 30 players now tearing up the facilities at Humane Labs and Research, our sense of what constitutes a man-made ecological disaster is about to get drastically expanded. Any collateral damage in this facility will put Global Warming squarely into perspective and, as a bonus, you'll probably irradiate those hippies who've been chained to the railings for the past few months. Everyone's a winner.

What do you do with the boatyards and fishing towns on the Alamo Sea when the water's become so salinated that all the fish are dead? Use them for a deathmatch. Fight it out in the barns and boathouses of Blaine County's Galilee.

The LS canal system boasts more dead yuppy per square inch than any other water network in the country. Make some well-chosen additions to that statistic with this Deathmatch for up to 30 players that sprawls right across the glorious effluence of Vespucci.

After this deathmatch, there'll be blood in the Vespucci canals... alongside the usual quinoa packets and cannabis prescription bottles. Fight through the alleyways, waterways, and apartment blocks of the city's most champagne-happy neighborhood.

The idyllic coast at the foot of the San Chianski mountain range won't be unspoiled by the time this deathmatch is over, as teams battle it out among the shacks and rocks along the shoreline.

Fight over a cargo ship with this deathmatch for teams on the Daisy Lee in Port City. It's pirates versus sailor, or lonely seamen versus cabin boys as you go at it on the decks and between container stacks.

Deathmatch for the Chamberlain Gangster Families. Fight in the roads and on the roof tops of the quiet, suburban, but not-so-safe neighborhood, Chamberlain Hills. Deathmatch that works best for teams near Franklin and Denise's house.

You'll work better in teams on this deathmatch around the Vanilla Unicorn Gentleman's Club. Leon, the manager, will have some questions for you if you get too friendly with the girls, but don't worry, he'll chill out soon enough.

Water the tree of liberty with the blood of people who may or may not be patriots. Deathmatch at the anti-capitalist slash hobo camp at the foot of Mount Chiliad. We suggest teams for this fight in Dignity Village where a ditch separates two groups of outbuildings.

Deathmatch that works best with teams at the STD contractors' site in Little Seoul, soon to be La Puerta Apartments. Hardhats are non-essential as you fight in the foundations of this impressive erection by the Del Perro Freeway.

Based on the gun crime levels in Los Santos and Blaine County, you'd be forgiven for asking where they store all those bullets. See for yourself with this deathmatch by the Ammu-Nation warehouses in Cypress Flats. Works best with teams.

Great place for a tina party, emo vandalism or a deathmatch - teams are recommended for this fight in a burnt out motel in Sandy Shores. No prizes for guessing why the Alamo Sea tourist industry died out. Hint: it wasn't the recession.

Deathmatch in the sloping backyards, parking lots, and loading bays between Spanish Ave and Vinewood Blvd in Downtown Vinewood. No matter how many participants get shot, the leading cause of death here will still be overdose

Deathmatch on Marabunte Grande territory in El Burro Heights. We recommend teams for this fight in the back yards and on the winding sloped road overlooking Los Santos. For an authentic experience, get gothic script tattooed on your face.

Ask around and you'll find that the O'Neils produce the finest crop of slow, local, organic methamphetamine in any direction. You'll also discover that when the brothers aren't skirting laws concerning acts of bestiality, they're hosting the filthiest Deathmatches in Blaine County. Up to 30 players dart between farm buildings or chance the open ground: Either way, the losers end up as fertilizer.

Deathmatch that works best with teams at the O'Neil ranch in Grapeseed. They're used to fights between the barns, silos, and tractors out here because all they farm is meth.

Troops have been mobilised to deal with an outbreak of charitable giving in downtown Los Santos, leaving Fort Zancudo with just a skeleton crew, and you with the opportunity for some opportunistic slaughter on a grand scale. It may be the biggest airbase in the state, but it can still feel claustrophobic with 30 industrious maniacs crawling all over it in search of each others' blood.

A mansion in Vinewood Hills may not compensate for your early-onset hair loss and appalling children, but it makes a great playground for this intricate Deathmatch. Up to 30 players, defaulting into 4 teams, wreak havoc among the driveways and cherub fountains of the elite. Aim to get a body in every swimming pool by close of business.

Lots of plastic surgery? More 70s Vinewood than 50s? Measure of authenticity is how many celebrities have died in the place? Then this is the deathmatch for you. Fight between the bungalows and around the pool of Gentry Manor just off Eclipse. Works best with teams.

Rather than looking around and silently judging fellow guests at your country club, you can act out your bloodiest fantasies on them. Deathmatch that works best with teams at this exclusive members only joint on the beach in Pacific Bluffs.

One of the many government facilities in the country. Employees at this anonymous building outside the city listen to your conversations, and read your emails for your own safety. Deathmatch at the NOOSE office that works best with teams.

Probably the best thing to do out here after tripping on peyote or snake venom. Deathmatch that works best with teams making use of big boulders, Joshua trees, and narrow dirt tracks of the Senora National Park. Should keep the vultures happy.

Your chance to spend time in Fort Zancudo without worrying about being blown up by a tank... unless one of your competitors blows you up with a tank. Deathmatch between the hangars at the military base. We suggest teams.

Two teams increase this city's feverish reliance on speculative finance by demolishing swathes of the industrial zone. Explosive-heavy Deathmatch amid the factories and steelyards of La Mesa. You never know, if you do enough damage the craters and bullet holes will give the place just enough authenticity for a hipster revival a few months down the line.

Business as usual between the FIB and IAA buildings in Downtown Los Santos as two teams attack each other for no particular reason. Deathmatch in the shadow of the silver eagle statue.

Tennis court, pool, views over the city, lakeside location - only no-one wants to buy it 'cause so many people have been killed in the grounds. Deathmatch that works best with teams in this Vinewood Hills dream home you might just be able to afford now.

Get lost at the Kortz Center. Deathmatch that works best with teams in the maze on top of Los Santos. You're more likely to find a confused tourist or someone who wants to shoot you in the face than a way out of this labyrinth slash monument to arch capitalist dynasties.

Fight for your life on Prosperity Street Promenade, the rooftops of its stores and clubs, and in the lots behind it. Great opportunity for window shopping, people watching, and mayhem.

See if your stars are in alignment with this deathmatch at the Gallileo Observatory. Great for tourists or folks taking a break from cruising young bucks in the Gallileo Park. Works best with teams.

The locals complain that not a lot happens in Paleto Bay, so wake up this sleepy town with a deathmatch along the shoreline. It'll keep them in gossip for years.

The peace and quiet of the Palomino Highlands... so close to East Los Santos, yet so far away. Until the gang shootout, that is. This deathmatch along the rocky Palomino shoreline is far from a day at the beach. Works best with teams.

Hotdogs! Get your hotdogs! And by hotdogs we mean bullets to the face. This will be a tailgate party to remember in the Maze Bank Arena parking lot. Explosive Team Deathmatch for up to 16 players.

Fun for the whole gang on Del Perro Pier with this deathmatch. Fight in the parking lot, the overpriced al fresco dining establishments, and next to the carnival games. Works best with teams.

Multi-level deathmatch for teams, at the high-rise development in Pillbox Hill. Almost certainly green-lighted before the credit crunch and collapse of the San Andreas economy, so pre-purchase condos are still available.

Home to an infamous truck stop, Procopio Beach has long been known as a place where people come to blow off steam, and this deathmatch along the shoreline at the foot of Mt. Gordo is no exception.

Every artist wanted to die young, then they wanted to mock their predecessors with an ironic statement about dying young, now it's a post-ironic statement and they might end up actually dying. Small Deathmatch for those inclined around the condominiums of Puerto Del Sol.

The side of the warehouse says no trespassing, no loitering. Splitting into teams and fighting to the death isn't mentioned. Deathmatch that works best with teams amongst the rusted metal and oil derricks in the DEE Oil lot in El Burro Heights.

As cars and trucks rattle round the complicated mess of Olympic Freeway interchanges above, teams fight for domination in this East Los trainyard. Deathmatch on the tracks and between the carriages in Murrieta Heights.

It can get kind of heavy in East Los Santos. Nowhere more so than this jungle of project blocks in Rancho. It's Vagos turf, but we suggest you team up. Deathmatch.

You'll understand why the country's invading oil states and fracking areas of natural beauty after this deathmatch at the oil refinery in El Burro Heights. Be careful of tankers full of gasoline and friends bearing grudges.

Hipsters get violent too. Especially when you call them hipsters. Deathmatch in a Mirror Park mini-mall where you'll see plenty of ironic moustaches. Works best with teams.

Road trips aren't just three gallon energy drinks, sex with truck drivers, and voiding your bowels on the side of the highway. They're a great American tradition. Celebrate it with this Deathmatch along Route 68 - frantic team skirmish among motor hotels of Southern San An for up to 8 players.

Come to sell steel to support your downer addiction, and stay for a deathmatch. Fight in the recycling, salvage, and scrap yard under the La Puerta Fwy. Lots of rusty junk for cover. Best with teams.

The title says it all. Small-scale Deathmatch around the church in Paleto Bay that's locked to shotguns. It'll be a lot less bloody than divorce.

Science shows that the leading cause of death in America is self-pity. Buck the trend with this deathmatch for 30 players set deep in the human waste of Downtown Los Santos. If you can lay waste to the competition here, you'll make it least as far as the insurance industry.

The most action industrial East LS is going to see until it gets redeveloped into retail space, and -loft- apartments for bankers with a creative streak. Deathmatch in the loading bays off Orchardville in Cypress Flats. Works best with teams.

Deathmatch on the roof of a luxury apartment complex in Hawick. Mirrored roof areas with decked sun terraces and swimming pools connected by a narrow footbridge. Works best with teams.

Deathmatch in Downtown Port City. Fight between highrise container stacks and under gantry cranes in the Los Santos Docks. The only activity in this part of town you don't need a union card for.

Deathmatch in a Grand Senora trailer park. Unspoiled desert living (and dying) if you ignore the transmission towers, utility poles, satellite dishes, wind farm, train line, and maximum security prison in the distance.

Stop the gentrification of Vespucci Beach dead in its tracks with this deathmatch around and on top of the businesses along the beachfront.

Isn't it time some minds got blown at Vespucci by something other than medical marijuana? A large, open deathmatch in and around the facilities of Vespucci Beach with little cover.

Get properly medieval at a castle-like mansion in Richman. It's got turrets, fountains, and pools - make them run with blood in this deathmatch which works best with teams.

From the feed store to the farmer's market. Fight up and down Grapeseed main street and appreciate this slice of heavily government subsidized Americana. Blaine County deathmatch that works best with teams.