Payphone Hits

You ever heard of the show called Closet CEO? Where some asshole billionaire pretends to be one of his broke-ass employees for a day or two.
Well, keep thinking about that, and then think about the CEO of Gold Coast Development. This dude is a world-class asshole... union bustin', poor working conditions, corruption, intimidation, man, you name it... and check this out... now he about to throw on some overalls and play nice for the workers on his site for the cameras.
Now, full disclosure: I did some work a while ago that gave this asshole's market value a boost. But that was before I heard what a piece of shit this fucker really is. So, when a client came to me with a proposal to make some bills off liquidating his ass, man, I said hell yeah.
Our client goin' short the fuck out of the Gold Coast Development stock... then we goin' ice this fool while he's playing at construction worker for this dumbass show. The stock tanks, our client gets rich, we get paid.
And if we make it look like he died because of some unsafe conditions on his site? Makes it even better. 

Ey, look, today's target is a cautionary tale, homie. The target is one of the founding members of that phone company, bitterSweet. Man, back in the day he lived the whole Vinewood tech pioneer life... private jets, kale smoothies, cocaine for breakfast... man, you know, all that crazy shit. Then everyone started buying iFruit phones instead, and he went off the rail real fucking fast. Got into all sorts of nasty shit... and I mean nasty shit... and the company fuckin' tanked.
But now they got a chance of a new relaunch to turn it all around. But here's where we come in: his cofounder still clean as they come, but he can't do shit while this degenerate fuck has the reins. So we goin' arrange for him to have a lil' accident. The cofounder takes over, and then the stock prices pick up, which means our client's goin' make a big fuckin' bank, and we get paid.
We got the target at the motel with a nasty-ass prostitute right now. Go put his ass out of his misery.

Man, this should be a wholesome-ass day of work. The target is some backwards-ass judge that change the sentences for anyone who offers her a fur coat, or a stack of fuckin' cash. She put a lot of innocent people in jail. Some fuckin' people I even know.
And tomorrow, she's ruling in a big fraud case against one of our partners at Lombank. The whole world know he guilty as fuck, so a whole bunch of our clients are out there betting against Lombank stock. Only I just got wind the lady judge been paid to throw the fuckin' case out. And if the defendant walks, and the stock don't tank, our clients stand to lose a lot of fuckin' money. So, I say we bring some karma to this evil-ass bitch, take her out, and our clients'll give us a nice kickback when justice takes its course.
So look, she's at the golf course now, playing a round to celebrate in advance. Your outfit should still be at the club house. I suggest you go pay her ass a visit.

Ey, I would give you this target's name, but I know you haven't heard it before. He ain't even famous yet... but shit, he about to be. Some sick degenerate trust fund kid who fucks up people lives for fun. He's spiked girls' drinks, done hit and runs, assaults, man, you name it... and then he paid his way out of all that shit.
And now he wanna do some reputation management, so he can buy his way into being the next big pop star. He got a label and a song that's all bought and paid for, he got a ad space and social media campaign ready to fuckin' go. He's all set to scoop a number one single when it drops next week.
Now, I know what you thinking: another manufactured pop star, so what? Who cares? Well, our client works at the record label, and he got some nice intel... the label sunk everything they got into this lil' son of a bitch. And if he has an accident, not only will the world be a better place, but the label fixin' to go bankrupt. And our client just bet against them big.
So look, we make the stock crash, our clients get some zeroes added on to their bank account, and we get a slice of the motherfuckin' pie. Now let's go put this lil' evil motherfucker in the wrong kinda headlines.

Ey, this target is one of the most successful tech entrepreneurs in the world, but you ain't never even heard of his damn name. Now this motherfucker? He keeps a low profile, even though he designed half the fuckin' apps on your damn phone: you know, social media, video-sharing, photo-sharing, messaging... you name it, this dude wrote it. And get this: as of tomorrow, he's goin' push what looks like a routine security update, but really it's a backdoor so he can sell all your data to the highest bidder. Fuckin' son of a bitch. He don't care how many people he bankrupt, as long as his fuckin' ass is sitting at the beach in the Caymans next to ten figures in his fuckin' bank account. He got every crooked investor with an internet connection lookin' to buy his stocks once the update hits.
But check this out: one of those investors had an even better idea, and he came to me with it. He's goin' bet against the stock, then we take this bitch down, our client cashes out, and we make bank.
We just got intel that the target is fucked up right now at some charity event, and fired his driver for the fuckin' tenth time. And he just ordered a cab, but I got Imani to cancel that motherfucker. Dude should be right outside.

Alright, look, so the internet is a huge and terrible place that I still don't understand, but the bottom line is: we got some trolls out there banding together to fuck with the stock prices. I've seen some creepy-ass nasty stuff on they message boards, and they got the whole fuckin' army out there dumping and pumping their shit wherever they like. They've been riggin' prices all over the market, cashin' out, and fuckin' everybody else in the process... including a bunch of our clients. And right now, they targeting a stock pick that we all should be worried about.
It's a tall ask, but man, I need you to get rid of as many of the ringleaders of these basement-dwelling crooks as soon as you can, before they crash the fuckin' stock. And look, if you do right, a lot of very rich people goin' be very grateful to us, and we goin' get paid.

So you know Merryweather, right? Shit, of course you do. Anyone who's cut their teeth in this town spent a whole lot of time fuckin' with Merryweather. Ain't no coincidence their stock price is at an all-time low.
So look, we got a client who's gonna pay us to do 'em a favor for once. But hear me out on this one. There's a bunch of creepy-ass drug dealers makin' headlines right now. Selling nasty shit to anyone and everyone. The whole city wants 'em dealt with.
'Ey, so look, you're gonna make 'em disappear. Make it look professional and shit. Then I'mma get on Snapmatic, start spamming posts sayin': "I saw Merryweather take these fools down and the cops couldn't." And boom: Merryweather goes viral with some good publicity, our client make a bunch of money because she just bought a load of their stock, and then we get paid. Everybody's a fuckin' winner, right?

I normally don't fuck with rats, but in this case, some of the homies that used to work for Coil is sitting on all this top-secret evidence about how the company's car batteries are actually poisoning the whole fuckin' earth... After all the green energy marketing and shit? This is un-fuckin-believable, right?Well, no surprise, but the Coil CEO is panicking. He actually hired some goons to take out our guy before he even goes public. Man, these motherfuckin' batteries are goin' kill us all, and he's worrying about the fuckin' stock tanking. Well look, our client is an insider who cares passionately about truth and the fuckin' environment. And, more to the point, he just bet big against Coil to cash in when the snitch goes public. So look, we take out the hitmen, make sure the rat gets his spotlight... Our client makes bank, shit, so do we.